She announced her abortion via fbk
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
