Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
