He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
