Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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