The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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