The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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