It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
