I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
