it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
