I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
my liver is dry heaving
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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