can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
