Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
