I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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