I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
