Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
