So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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