my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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