I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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