As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
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He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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