Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
