my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
