It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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