this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
