I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
