Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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