Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
