It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
