i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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