also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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