The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
