turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
