yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it's great music for shaving your balls
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
