saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
