Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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