I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
