absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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