I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
that may or may not have been my penis.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
