then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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