Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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