Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize