Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
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I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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