babies were throwing up all over the place
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
