i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
