i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
