Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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