What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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