I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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