Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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