i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
