I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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