she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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