i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
