Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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