i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
