I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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