That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
