i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
