I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
