Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i've created a new STD.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
