just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
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Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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