some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
