i think my tv is drunk
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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