ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
