The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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