You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
