That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
