I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
