i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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