i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
